Toxicity of Indian Society.

Indian society has a rich culture but there are things that are needed to be changed now.

Since childhood, we Indians have been taught to accept toxicity and to tolerate toxic people in life. We have accepted this in ways like don’t answer back elders even if they are wrong. We have been taught to not answer back with our thoughts and opinions as it is considered to be disrespectful to others. A lot of us have stopped sharing our life news with our parents just because of the reason that their principles and values differ from ours. And not every parent tries to understand their kid’s point of view. It’s not their fault, it’s because they have bought up his way, they have seen their parents doing the same with them.

I never say parents are wrong in their opinions, decisions but sometimes what they think is the best for their child, actually isn’t.

We as an Indian family let our neighbors, our relatives, even some strangers criticize our children. No one has gone through the thought that what kind of effects it will be on children. One of the main and most common issues I have heard of is comparison. Our parents have this tendency t compare us with other kids who are excelling in academics or in anything else. It hurts the feeling and fills the child with self-doubts, low confidence, and sometimes negative feelings towards parents or those children they are being compared to.

We have been always taught to not say a thing even if your relative is criticizing you or insulting you in a friendly or taunting manner, why because THEY ARE THE RELATIVES. They are the elders, deserving of respect not because they actually deserve it but only because they are elders. We have been taught not to question our elders’ decisions. Indians have not accepted the theory of cutting off the toxic people from our lives. We tend to carry the burden of those relationships lifelong.

Let alone the relative, some parents become toxic to their children. They put their decision at priority and no one can challenge that decision and if you do, you don’t respect your parents enough. Some parents put their unfulfilled dreams on the shoulder of their children to fulfill them without asking if they actually want it or not. They make their child feel that they are indebted to them and take the emotional path to convince their child of something they aren’t ready for. This has been mainly seen in marriages. Marriage in our country is a whole topic in itself. Let’s go into it some other day.

Almost every mother teaches their girl child to compromise after marriage, to adjust beyond the line. Even someone in an abusive relationship is suggested to try to continue the marriage, like why? And if you have a kid, then don’t even dare to talk about divorce, it will be a sin if you do. Our society is not very open to accepting divorced women as “a women”.  Everyone comes and tries to convince you to stay in that abusive relationship and adjust yourself for the sake of the innocent child. They go like why are you spoiling kids’ life, the kid doesn’t deserve this, the kid will not receive the love and affection of both the parents, the kid this, the kid that. It’s like having an unhappy family will not affect the kid, will not affect their character, behavior, and eventually their whole life. At the time society says things like both parent’s affection is needed. But where will the affection come from if the abused partner dies due to that particular abusive relation that society didn’t let them get rid of? Then? Then What? What good the adjustment and tolerance of the pain will bring?

We are in need of changing and mending the values we have been teaching to kids till now. We should let them prioritize themselves, their happiness, their peace at first. Family is important it always will be. But there are families that aren’t actually good enough to stay connected, some people are needed to be cut off from life to grow, to heal, to live.

We should start accepting the fact that family can be toxic, every relationship cannot be mended and saved, every relative does not mean good to you.

We should start the change, be the change.

** If anyone does not agree with my thoughts that’s okay, everyone has their own opinion and I respect that. If I have said any hurtful words and make someone feel bad, then I apologize for it.