IMPROPER TOUCH.

A few days ago, a thought came to my mind and disturbed whatever peace I was left with.
Being a female, I had gone through those improper touches n number of times. Some people were known and close and some I had no relation with. And I thought that maybe I am the problem, maybe all of this happened to me this many times because I didn’t wear proper clothes. maybe those men weren’t who was wrong. And I believe every female who has had this experience has thought this once and this was my time.

Then I remember I wasn’t wearing anything improper when I was 5 or 6 years old, I didn’t know what improper means, I was in LKG. I didn’t even know what is a good touch and bad touch are. I hadn’t done anything when I was invaded by someone known to me, I was 8. I wasn’t wearing improper when I went to my relative’s house, jeans and top wasn’t indecent for a 10year old child. How can I be asking for it when I was just a naive 11 years old girl? I was 12, I wasn’t doing anything wrong when I was at a place I felt was safe for me, I was living at my comfort, was that my mistake, being too comfortable? I was not wrong when I was 13, and touched by someone living close to me, how could I run away from my own home? I wasn’t wearing obscene when I was touched in the metro being 15 years old, I was with my family member. How could I know anything? How was I at fault then? If I wasn’t, why it kept happening and happening, different places, different people, WHY?

Every time these thoughts come to my mind, I lose myself, I lose my peace of mind. I feel disgusted, I feel hatred and anger. I want to blame them but always end up blaming myself. I want them to feel how their mistakes affect me, my mental health. Those disgusting memories have been scarred in my mind. I cried my heart out every time it happened. I got scared and kept all this inside till now. It made me question myself, I started thinking if I am doing something wrong. But no, I am not at fault, I never was. My clothes were not the reason. I wasn’t asking for anything. I wasn’t doing anything improper. It was them all along. It was their fault.

All I know that it was my fault that I didn’t tell anyone and cried sitting in a corner in my room, trying to rub off that feeling of disgust, I didn’t talk to my mother, my friend, or anyone. My fault was I didn’t dare to speak up when I was old enough to know this is wrong.

So, I plead to each and everyone, if something happens to you SPEAK UP, please. Talk to your family, friend, or anyone you trust enough. Start teach your daughter, your son at a young age, about good and bad touch.

I request to every viewer, Don’t Judge and Don’t spread negativity.

Stay safe. Takecare.