WHAT IS MARRIAGE ABOUT?

From where I am, I have seen women asking for permission, and even heard parents saying if their husband allows it we don’t have a problem if she does this or that. And permission for such basic human rights, like can they wear jeans, can they continue their studies/jobs?

And now honestly, I am afraid of this whole marriage thing. Afraid of marriage where I have to seek permission for taking any decisions of my life, for not having individual rights. I am afraid I have to take on all those responsibilities of keeping the family and my husband happy, all alone. I have to make love even when I would not want to, even when my body resists, my consent won’t be asked. I’ll have to ask if I could wear dresses of my own choice, or if I can go out with friends or if I can make new friends, my conversations with a stranger would also have to be explained, I will have to give up on myself and that’s how it’s gonna work.

Isn’t marriage was supposed to be all about two people being in love and celebrating it by giving it a name of forever? Shouldn’t it be about adjusting for each other, understanding what the other partner wants, letting one another have their part of life the way they want, knowing and respecting each other’s boundaries, sharing all those responsibilities of keeping family happy and together? It should have been about helping each other grow while holding hands, about knowing each other well enough to make one another happy a bit more and letting the one have your shoulder to cry on when needed. It’s about celebrating the love people have in between them and not about tying each other.

I am scared when I think of it. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to give up on myself in that way.